Quotes by Stand up Comedian Chelsea Handler
~ Chelsea Handler
My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It’s really sad, because that’s what my show is all about — what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.
~ Chelsea Handler
Nicole Richie’s baby shower is going to be this Sunday at 12:30 in the afternoon. It should be a very special event—many of these people are going to be seeing each other for the first time in broad daylight.
~ Chelsea Handler - Are You There Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea
Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon just got themselves a marriage license. I think before she gets married again Pam needs to slow down and think about whether this is really the man she wants to spend three or four months of her life with.
~ Chelsea Handler
Paris Hilton has launched a new champagne in a can called Rich Prosecco. For the ad campaign Paris posed wearing nothing but gold paint. That’s a unique way to cover up herpes.
~ Chelsea Handler
Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
~ Chelsea Handler
Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.
~ Chelsea Handler
Paula Abdul’s really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she’s going to go crazy—er.
~ Chelsea Handler
